Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
