You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
