i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
