So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
