So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
