Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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