just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also, beer. Big fan.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize