Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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