is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i've created a new STD.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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