Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize