tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
