The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
