I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Having a random hookup so left but love u
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
