Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
