i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
