whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
3 2 1 whiskey
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
