didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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