I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
