Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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