omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize