Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
