Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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