Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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