you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
