Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I did not marry a roomba.
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