Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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