just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
