I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
