i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
