Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
