Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
