Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
