He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize