my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize