Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
