i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize