Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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