the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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