Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
this hospital has no fireball
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
