he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
