Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
