Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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