do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
