everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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