you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
