From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize