You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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