So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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