He kissed a someone with a penis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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