there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
