I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
