i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
