Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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