I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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