Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
