he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
