You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
