I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
