It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize