Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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