The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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