Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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