She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
