If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
