doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
