He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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