that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
